“Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in a way that increases your influence with them.” – John C. Maxwell
This article was originally published in 2017 and was updated in 2019.
How good are your communication skills?
Do you communicate, or do you connect?
Connecting and communicating may often be used synonymously. While we can all communicate, it doesn’t mean we are successfully connecting.
You can communicate with your voice, hands, eyes, and body language and get your message across. But while your words may be heard loud and clear, do people feel the emotions behind them?
Has your attempt to communicate fostered a deeper, more meaningful relationship? Did you connect?
Connecting goes beyond your words. In fact, our verbal and nonverbal messages are often inconsistent, particularly when we say one thing, but our heart feels something else.
To connect with people, we need to think beyond our words and communicate our feelings and attitudes. Here are four critical components to really connecting successfully:
1. Verbal Connection
Our words have a powerful impact—people respond to the words we use and the tone of our voice. People can recognize emotions from how you speak – from your volume to your timing.
How you deliver your message can either drive people away or draw them in. If you want to connect with people verbally, be mindful of your choice of words and the manner in which you deliver them.
Pro tip: often, just slowing down and letting your words sink in will increase the impact of your message.
2. Visual Connection
Before you even open your mouth to speak, people have already formed a visual impression of you. How you look, dress, and behave are all factors in how they will accept your words.
Give them a visual of someone uninterested, disconnected, or distracted, and you’ll quickly lose that connection. What people see us do can far outweigh any words we actually say.
Pro tip: clear your agenda before entering critical conversations. A few moments to breathe, relax and imagine your desired results will make a big difference to what happens next.
3. Intellectual Connection
If you want a genuine intellectual connection, “faking it until you make it” doesn’t work. Before engaging intellectually, you’ll need to know your subject and yourself.
Don’t attempt to pretend you’ve lived a life you haven’t lived. Don’t insult the person you are trying to connect with by pretending their personal experiences can be easily mimicked.
Pro tip: big words don’t make you smarter. Often speaking in simple language and using common words will build trust and connection.
4. Emotional Connection
Your attitude speaks volumes and will show more than your words could ever be heard.
How you act can draw people in or alienate them entirely. You could be reciting sonnets and poetry, but if your body language is abrasive, you’ll lose hope of maintaining a meaningful connection.
Pro tip: if an elephant is in the room – let it out. Speaking openly about any resistance or doubts can help build trust and openness.
Ready to advance your leadership success?
I’d love to connect with you and hear your thoughts about communicating vs. connecting. If you found value in this blog, let’s jump on a no-obligation call so I can learn more about your leadership goals.
Enjoyed this article about communicating vs. connecting? Here are three more to help advance your leadership success:
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3 Steps to Master the Art of Coaching Others
Quiet Leaders, Chaotic Consequences
